I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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