There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
