some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
