And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
