I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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