I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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