hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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