yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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