I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
