Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
