My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
