You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
