Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
