So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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