Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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