i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
