Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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