Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
