and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
