dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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