i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
