me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
