OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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