Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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