Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I cockslap morals
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
