We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
