ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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