I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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