Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if only i could text you this smell
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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