then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
