I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
