So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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