You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
