So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize