What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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