Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
