At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
