In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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