That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Welp...herpes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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