Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
