JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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