Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
