nutella sex= disaster
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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