i think i have two assholes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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