My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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