there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
