Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
