ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I could make wine with my vomit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
