I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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