please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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