her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
