last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
