My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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