Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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