There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
