hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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