Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I am morally bankrupt
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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