took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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