I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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