I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
