I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
