Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
