I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
