His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
