dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
