You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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