Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
