I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
