maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
