I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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