your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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