Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
