I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
