Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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