my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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