I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
