there's paper in my vomit.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
