My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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