there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
