Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
