Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
