He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
