Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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