I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
