Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
