i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
