perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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