In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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