morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He better not be in your backpack
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
