He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
