she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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