***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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