Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
