i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
