i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
