whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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