gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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