I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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