I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
