My room smells like vodka and shame
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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