Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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